Bacon is the solution to all problems.
If a man is hungry, give him bacon; he will eat and be satisfied.
If a man is thirsty, give him bacon; its delicate juices will quench him.
If a man is depressed, give him bacon; he will experience its comforting taste and be cheered.
If a man is recklessly happy, give him bacon; he will feel its blissful texture and be calmed.
If a man is concerned that he is underweight, give him bacon and he will fill out by placebo.
If a man is concerned that he is overweight, give him bacon and he will be distracted from his concern.
If a man is bothersome, give him too much bacon; he will die of cholesterol poisoning.
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